My New Assignment

August 5, 2012 was when I last wrote in this blog.  I quit after that, but I am back now. Why today? God told me to and I have no idea where this will go, but he nudged me yesterday at church.  I saw someone I knew that was a friend of my daughter's.  She had her new beautiful baby girl with her and her mom.  Elizabeth loves this family, so I knew that she would want me to go up and say hi.  What a blessing that was.

As we were exchanging hellos and how are yous, the Mom said something about my journal that I wrote in when Pat was sick.  I told her that was my Caringbridge site.  Yes, that was what she was talking about. Then the friend said her mother-in-law lost her husband about a year ago and was really struggling and she thought that she might like to read about my journey.  She shared her mother-in-law story and I offered to send the link, www.caringbridge.org/visit/pateasterling, to her so she could forward to her, and that I would be glad to call if that would help.  I also shared with the mom and daughter that God had shown me my BHAGG (Big Hairy Audacious God Goal) recently while visiting this church.

"To share the experience of my journey of cancer, death and grief of a spouse  with others that are in the midst of a similar journey.  To testify to God’s grace, peace, faithfulness and gifts that He offers in the midst of pain and the changes of life that follows."

Since I have created the above mission statement, I have had two opportunities to share with those who have lost someone to cancer or is in the midst of the journey themselves. So, I believe that his is my new assignment.  Stay tuned....

Wait

For the past week during my devotions, I keep reading "wait and trust".  It seems I have been waiting a long time.  I was waiting for Pat to be healed while waiting on the next chemo treatment.  I am waiting on our small business to grow.  I am waiting on my house to sell....and the list goes on.  

I read today Psalm 27:14, "Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."  

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13.

Pretty clear to me........

Naomi, Ruth or Orpah?

In the time of tragedy are you Naomi, Ruth or Orpah? They all lost their husbands as I did. I went to a conference tonight and heard Kelly Minter who spoke on the book of Ruth. She asked us this question. Naomi went back to Bethelem to seek God's blessing and favor. Orpah ran from God to her other Gods and Ruth ran with abandonment to God himself. I am Ruth as I am running,seeking and searching after him. Being in his presence is where I want to be knowing I am in his will. His word is what I crave and to hear him speak is my desire. Teach me more about you precious, Jesus!

The Red Sea

It has been one of those days. It is a hard, emotional, I can't take much more kind of days. I can't just heal my heart after losing Pat because he left me a window business to run. This girl designs floral arrangements and was a webmaster and a graphic geek. God has a sense of humor if you ask me. What is he doing and what is he thinking?

I stopped mid afternoon today and texted my prayer warriors. My cry is that I am stressed out and overwhelmed. It is hard not to have a pitty party. Awe but I got wise counsel . "Paige" he said, "you are just like the Israelites in the wilderness and the Egyptians are chasing you. You have been following the black cloud by day. You have been listening to his voice (although they were able to hear Him audibly) and you have trusted in his Mana that he provides everyday. It it has been rough out there, but you are determined to get to the promised land. You are running to the Red Sea and you see it in the distance, but it is still there full of water."

Hmm, he is right. God never failed them and his plan will not fail me now. I told him that I thought Satan was winning today, but he assured me that I am winning because I haven't quit. Nope! I have not. There is nothing in me that is telling me to.

It was a pep talk I needed so tonight I'm going to keep running.

This is a test.